I have never been one to like change. I like for life to be predictable, to know what is coming next, well, basically I want to be in control. Over the past few years God has done a work in me concerning my desire for control. Through many painful lessons I have learned to enjoy the season that I am in and not worry about tomorrow. My problem now is that I tend to want to look back and mourn the things that have passed or been lost over time. I mourn the loss of friends. Friends lost through tragic death and friends lost through deception and betrayal. I wonder if they were ever truely friends at all.
I look back with regret over the mistakes I have made as a mother and wish that I could go back and live certain moments over. I grieve because time is passing so fast and changing my babies into men. I am so thankful that God gave me my two boys and I know that they are His first; but I so want to keep them young and happy and safe from the world.
T will be a senior this fall. He will turn 18 years old on his birthday. He’s already old enough to drive, old enough to be held legally responsible for his actions (thank God he is a good boy), will soon be required to register for selective service, and will be able to vote after his next birthday. It has all passed so fast. I wish that I could go back and relive it all again.
Tomorrow, or rather today (it is after midnight) will be T’s last day as a junior, it will also be G’s last day at the school he has attended for the past three years. He has really come to love so many people at that school. They have meant so much to him and I truly believe that they love him. We went to see his new school today. It is a great school. The people there are very nice but they are not yet family like the people at his current school have become. Everything is changing and in a way it is exciting; but at the same time it is sad. I know that tomorrow I will cry when I walk out of that school for what may be the last time. I am so thankful to those who have embraced my child, loved, and nurtured him. He has blossomed this year and they have spoiled him rotten. I pray that God will bless them as much as they have blessed us.