I read a blog once that a mom wrote about how we record all the firsts our children have. Their first tooth, first step, first word, first day of school. But we don’t record their lasts because most of the time we don’t know that it will be the last. Their last diaper, the last time they cry when you drop them off at school, the last time they come crawling into your bed in the middle of the night or the last time that you read them a bedtime story.Tomorrow is one of those lasts for T. When I wake up in the morning it will be T’s last day of high school. He will officially be a graduate tomorrow night. For those of you who don’t know, we homeschooled our oldest (and then only) son until he was in the 7th grade. I always loved being at home with my little boy and since I thought that he was going to be my one and only child I couldn’t bear the thoughts of being apart from him for long. I decided to homeschool after a friend asked where I was sending him for Kindergarten and I said I was not sure. I was having a very difficult time trying to make a decision that I frankly didn’t want to think about. She suggested homeschooling and gave me some information about it.
I was hooked from the first article I read about it. I can remember sitting on the back steps of my mom and dad’s house reading homeschooling magazines over and over. The lifestyle that homeschooling provides was just what I was looking for. In fact, I think I was born to be a homeschool mom. I really miss the gift of teaching my own child as we rise in the morning and as we live out our everyday lives. I miss staying up late to research scorpions because we found one in the light fixture on our way to bed. I long for spring days at the lake with other homeschool families. My most precious memories are of us curled up reading to each other. There are so many books that I remember reading together. Red Sails to Capri opened the door of reading aloud to us and was the first to inspire us to research the location it was written about. We laughed during Strawberry Girl and cried when we read Gladys Ayward. We were inspired, convicted, and entertained by the books that we read together. I miss those days so much. I would trade almost anything to be able to relive even the most difficult of those days.
I find myself suddenly at the end of yet another chapter in my life. A turning point. One of my child’s lasts. Now I understand what my mom meant when she said, “When kids are little they step on your toes, but when they are grown they step on your heart.” It isn’t that they try to break your heart or that they have done anything wrong but letting them go is heartbreaking. My heart is broken tonight and I really don’t know how I will make it through tomorrow. Well, yes I really do. Grace. God’s grace will get me through like it always does. I’m running low on grace tonight but God’s Word says that His grace is sufficient and will be renewed every morning.
~Lamentations 3:22-23 ~ The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.~
So, when I wake in the morning I will will rest knowing that God is still on His throne, still in control, and still pouring out blessings on His children. I will look expectantly into the future waiting to see what wonderful blessings He still has in store for our family.