A Time For Tears

Today we took our oldest son to college. I thought I had this all under control and was going to be just fine. Well, I am not okay. In fact I am the opposite of okay. I am what you would call a basket case. I have cried, I have had numerous panic attacks, and I have fought tears back so much that my facial muscles are cramping. I feel like I look like the Joker. My eyes are obviously swollen from all the crying because they feel very strange but I absolutely refuse to look into a mirror knowing that will only start the crying all over again when I see how pitiful I look.

It is funny how life works. My son was born 359 days after my sister’s son. My son left for college today which just happened to be exactly 359 days after my sister’s son left home last year. What are the chances of that happening? I know that them being a year apart that my son has typically followed a year behind the milestones of his cousin. It just makes sense. The fact that it worked out to the day on both those events is strange to me though.

We laughed at the parents of most of those students who were checking in at the same time T was. The athletic department volunteers thanked T numerous times on his limited amount of belongings that required being taken upstairs. The funny thing is that he took a refrigerator, microwave, computer, printer, several boxes with towels and linens, school supplies, dishes, books (he is a reader), and clothes. As I passed by several rooms in the dorm I could not suppress letting out a little laugh. Mothers were making beds and arranging the nests of their little birdies. Some of the rooms had so much in them that there was not room to walk. I don’t know but I will give the benefit of the doubt to these people that their child will be staying for 17 weeks without coming home at all which required them to bring all that stuff. Summer clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe they packed everything they owned just in case they might need it. Who knows? Maybe we are the crazy ones. I am thinking maybe he forgot something. Does he have enough underwear and socks? Did he take shoes? I know he was wearing flip flops. . . what could we possibly have done wrong?

One sweet moment today came as we dropped T off at the dorm, pulled the van to a nearby parking lot and began our walk back to the dorm. We were walking along pushing Sweet G in his wheelchair when suddenly he said, “Is T going to be all alone? I don’t want my brother to be all alone.” My heart melted at that moment and if it weren’t for the fact that God placed two beautiful and sweet young coeds on the curb directly across the street from where G made the statement I would have lost it right then and there. The girls were a distraction for me and their sweet expressions and tender smiles at G turned a tearful moment into a sweet blessing. G was concerned about his brother. In fact he offered to stay with him if T needed him to. T even had a little chuckle over that one but managed to politely refuse the offer. G did however try both the beds out before we left.

I am not sure what the coming days will bring. So far G has been my rock. He has loved on me and given me wise council. “Mommy are you crying again? Is it about T? I know Mommy I feel the same way. I miss T too.” Oh how that boy blesses my heart. I don’t know what I would do if God had not sent him into our lives. Well, I would probably be camped out somewhere in Carrolton right now. I am relieved that God placed my son directly beside the Resident Assistant in the building who seemed to be a very nice young man. So my Mommy fears are somewhat tempered by the placement of his room and by the roommate he was assigned. And please do not tell me any different because I have spent a lot of time creating my Marshmallow Fluff existence about this entire situation.

But life here goes on and tomorrow I will let another little birdie try out his wings as he soars into the first grade. I may seriously need some Botox to relax my face by mid morning. So, just in case you see me in the next few weeks be prepared. I have not had a stroke-yet. I have just turned loose of my first born child and my heart will take a while to mend.


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