If God blesses me to live until I am 100 years old I will never understand why He deemed me worthy of being the mother of a child with a disability. Well, not just any child with a disability but specifically my Sweet G. As a young girl I had very little contact with anyone with special needs. In those days there were separate schools or at least separate rooms for children with disabilities.
The few times that I did encounter someone with a disabiltiy I was unsure of how I should act. I was uncomfortable and kind of afraid. Afraid of the unknown or unfamiliar. I even remember thinking to myself that if I had a child with a disability I could not love it or take care of it. I thought often about what people would think about me for giving up a child that I simply could not bring myself to love. I was young and had no idea what it is like to be given the heart of a mother and now I can’t see how I ever doubted the power of a mother’s love.
The older I get the more I marval at God’s ways. He uses our experiences to mold us into the person we need to be for future experiences. I believe that God was preparing my heart all those years ago for what has become my life–the mother of a child with a disability. I find it almost comical that I worried about whether I would love my child, or any child for that matter simply because they are different. You see, I have come to believe that we are all disabled in one way or another.
Some disabilities are simply more evident than others. You can look at my Sweet G and see that something is different about him. You may not know what to call it but his disability is pretty evident to those around him. Other disabilities are even more profound than that of G while some disabilities are not seen right away. A person with auditory or visual disabilities may look “normal”. The same is true for those with learning disabilities. Those disabilities hide beneath the surface until a veil is removed in order for us to see. But like I said before I feel that we are all flawed. There is no such thing as a perfect person and if you think that there is then that my friend may just be your disability.
God in His infinite wisdom chose me to be G’s mom. Although I did not carry him and give birth to him I believe with all my heart that God planned for G to be mine before the beginning of time. Through Sweet G God has grown me into the person that I am. I have been stretched beyond anything I could have imagined. Even just 7 years ago if you had told me where life was taking me I would have been terrified. But God didn’t tell me everything 7 years ago. He told me that G would have some issues the day that I found out I would be G’s mother but in His still small voice I found peace. I knew that wherever God was leading me I would be okay because He had gone before me to prepare my path. So in faith I trusted that God’s gifts are always good and perfect and I chose to trust Him with my future. I can honestly say that I have never really cried or been overwhelmed by my Sweet G’s special needs. I haven’t fretted and worried about whether or not he will walk or live independently some day. I just walk with Jesus each day knowing that His ways are far above anything I could ever imagine and trust that tomorrow will be okay because He will still be in control when I get there.