Homesick

This summer brought lots of changes in our family. I (finally) graduated from college, Trey graduated from high school and moved away to college, we practically destroyed our home and are just now getting it back in some semblance of order, and we took Sweet G out of public school to homeschool him. I am still trying to catch my breath and wrap my head around all the changes that have taken place. You see, I do not like change. In fact, in the words of my papaw, “I dispise change.” It doesn’t matter if it is a good change or a bad change; I just don’t handle change well. I get depressed, have bouts of panic and just do not feel like myself. I thrive on consistency. I like to have a normal, day to day schedule and know what is coming next. I don’t like it when Joey works a lot, but once I get used to it I panic when he doesn’t.

I want things to be like they were when I was growing up in the 70s. Things were so simple then. We had a routine that was very rarely broken. Things were very much the same from day to day when I was home during the week and on Saturday at 12:00 my dad would drive up to take me to his house for the weekend. There was definitely a routine at his house since he lived with his parents. The same old same old week after week.

One thing I did not like about growing up was that my parents were divorced. I absolutely hated the fact that I was always away from one of my parents. I was never with them both and if I ever was for some rare occasion like a school function I was miserable. Joey and I were talking last week after we heard Brad Paisley’s song “If He’s Anything Like Me.” I was wondering if T ever gets homesick. I doubt it but it got us talking about being homesick. I asked Joey if he was ever homesick when he was in college and of course he said, “No.” I then asked, “have you ever been homesick?” He thought about it for a minute and finally said that he gets homesick now when he has to go away for training. (Smart man.) But as I began to explain to Joey about my experience with being homesick I realized that I spent my entire childhood homesick. When I was at home with my mom, stepdad, and siblings I missed my dad and grandparents. When I was at my dad’s house I longed to be at home with my mom. I had two homes and in reality they were each just half of a whole home that had been split. One was never enough. I was always slightly haunted by the one or the other.

So, if you are divorced and are reading this think about how your divorce may be affecting your children. Maybe I am the exception to the rule. Maybe most children of divorce don’t experience the same feelings that I did. Hopefully that is the case.

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