Hecklers

A couple of weeks ago while riding in the car we heard an advertisment for an upcoming comedy show at the DeSoto theater. Sweet G piped up from the backseat, “What day is that on and where did they say it was going to be? I am going to that show.”

After getting home I looked up the information for the show on the internet. The ad promised a good clean family comedy show. “Okay,” I said, “we will try to go.”

Anyone who knows G knows he does not forget anything!! So, of course he remembered on the day of the show. We found that they were offering a two for one deal on tickets and invited a good friend to go along with us to the show.

I felt so sorry for the comedians because all of 50 people show up for the performance. It was quite awkward to be sitting there with so few people. We were some of the first people to arrive thinking that we’d beat the crowd and get good seats. That turned out to be a joke and even though we sat about 5 rows back we ended up being on the second row with people sitting in them and we had nobody in front of us.

I don’t know about you but comedians make me nervous. I immediately felt uncomfortable and very exposed. There was no where to hide. No hopes of blending into the crowd. Add the fact that we have this cute little boy in a wheelchair that is laughing loudly, cheering and clapping and you see why I felt so uncomfortable.

The first comedian was really funny and almost immediately picked his victim from the crowd. A woman to our right and one row behind us made a comment to one of the comedian’s jokes and he took off with it.

We made it through the first guy and I immediately gained a false sense of security. I was thinking, “Okay, this is not too bad.” Notice I said false sense of security because that was exactly what it was.

The second comic started his routine. My Sweet G wasn’t as impressed with this guy as he was the first and he was really beginning to feel empowered and bold. The comic told a joke about pot smokers and asked if there were any in the audience and guess who raised his hand? If you said Sweet G then you are a winner. Okay, so that was a little funny. The comedian later asks who brought liqueur into the theater with them. Once again that little hand goes up. Our attempt to blend in was over. We were fair game at that point and the comedian makes the comment that this family knows how to party.

G becomes bored with this guy and decides that he wants to join the show. The comic made a comment to someone that they could come up on stage and take over because of a comment they made. To G this meant, hello it is open mike night. He unlocks his wheels and tries to go onstage saying as he went, “Let me up there I can tell jokes better than you.” I was mortified. Mortified and one seat away from the little devil. Unable to use the Mommy voice because of the emptiness of the theater and the distance I had put between me and my little spawn. He then gets upset with his dad because he is preventing him from storming the stage. A scene is about to be made. I am trying to figure out the best way out of the situation and it is not looking good. The guy did invite someone up to finish the show. G just thought he would be the perfect one for the job.

A heckler. Really. You know you have lots of dreams and aspirations for your children. A doctor, lawyer, non-homeless person. I just never imagined that I would be sitting in a comedy show with a heckler. Me, the person who would just love for my superpower to be the abilities of a cameolean. Blend into any and every situation. Never the center of attention. Seen and not heard. That is who I am. I am not the person that sits with the heckler or I wasn’t until last Thursday night. But you can bet one thing. I will never, ever go to another comedy show in the company of G. And if I ever do become brave enough to go again I can promise you I will be there early so that I am sure to get the best seat in the house. You can find me in the seat on the corner of the very last row.

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