Mother Teresa once said, “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.” I can really relate to that right now. Over the past year my life has taken many twists and turns. I had my course all mapped out until the recession hit and there were no teaching jobs to be found. When I began to fret over the time and energy that I had put into my education my husband often said, “God didn’t bring us this far to drop us now.” Me being the pessimist that I am replied, “Yeah but I sure do feel like He’s left me dangling.”
I have since come to see the wisdom of God’s plan for my life in that particular area. My child’s needs come before my needs and desires. I absolutely adore being home with my Sweet G everyday just like I did when I was homeschooling T. Do I miss being out in the real world everyday interacting with other adults and sharing ideas and teaching techniques with them? YES. I also absolutely loved being in an elementary school everyday. I loved the structure that it provided and the discipline I was required to have. I thrived in that environment. I do, however, believe that I am right where God wants me right now. I need to get answers about G’s educational needs that I couldn’t get before. He is most likely facing major surgery in the next couple of months that will require months of recovery and intense therapy. He needs me right now and I need to be here with him.
Just as I begin to understand what God is doing in one area of my life and things settle into a new normal He begins to work in a new area that throws me completely out of my comfort zone. Life is moving at a blistering pace for our family right now. T is finishing up his first semester of college, J is working lots of odd jobs at night and on Saturdays, Sweet G has had 3-4 doctor visits in the past 2 months and has another one coming up in two weeks, and several of our extended family members are dealing with crisis that affect us emotionally.
For those of you who aren’t Christians this will sound crazy but it is during the darkest times in life that I feel the closest to Jesus. It doesn’t make sense intellectually to hear that statement but it is true all the same. When I look back over my life I can see that when the storms of life were at their worst is when I was the closest to God. When He was all I had to look to for help I clung to Him and in Him I found peace that can’t be described or understood.
So, as I pass through yet another valley so deep and dark that I cannot see what lies ahead I will cling tightly to my Jesus knowing He is holding my hand giving me the balance I need to walk through this storm. As I walk I sing,
“Precious Lord take my hand, lead me on help me stand. I am weak. I am tired. I am worn. Through the storm, through the night lead me on to the light. Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home.”
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 ~ NLT
The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’Deuteronomy 33:27 NLT(©2007)