Disappear

Almost three months ago my world started crashing in around me. Choices made by others came with consequences that affected lots of other people and I am one of them. I found myself in a similar situation almost seven years ago. A person I loved and admired deeply made some terrible choices that ultimately removed them from my life and the lives of many others forever. In the aftermath of the incident we stumbled through life for a long time trying to find our way back to a place of peace, contentment and joy. We did experience joy and peace during those years but there were also days, weeks, and months filled with chaos, pain, fear, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal and loss. Loss of fellowship with loved ones, loss of trust, loss of a normal life. My world was shaken and it took me six long years to gain a new normal as I accepted and moved past the pain that individual caused me.

This new event in my life is a repeat of the past in many ways. I find myself lost, hurt, and betrayed. This time is different for me though. I suppose the past seven years prepared me for this. I have moved through the stages of dealing with all of it much faster than I did last time. I know how this kind of situation plays out. Alliances are made, feelings are hurt, relationships lost. I don’t have six years to waste on something that I know the outcome of. I have to keep moving forward and the sooner I can do so the better.

My head knows those things but my heart takes a little more time to follow. I will find a new normal. Life will go on. One thing that helped me early on in dealing with the pain of betrayal seven years ago was Christian music. There were several songs that ministered to me during those dark days and one of them was Disappear by Bebo Norman. I have provided the lyrics to that song because today I find myself wanting to run away from everything and I know the only place I can run is to Jesus. I hope they speak to you like they do me.

On a day like this
I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world
The noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this
I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind
That can suck the life, right out of me
I only know one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The way, the life, the truth so I can disappear
And love is all there is to see coming out of me
And You become clear as I disappear

I don’t want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it’s all about me
I’m so tired of it being about me

I want to hide in You
The way, the life, the truth and I can disappear
And love is all there is to see coming out of me
And You become clear as I disappear

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don’t bring You glory
If I don’t bring You glory
If I don’t bring You glory

‘Cause I want to hide in You
The way, the life, the truth and I can disappear
And love is all there is to see coming out of me
And You become clear as I disappear

Lyrics: Jess and Chad Cates
Recorded by: Bebo Norman

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