Tonight as I was casually browsing through my long list of blogs I came upon a post entitled “Love Never Fails” from Big Mama‘s blog. That post as well as an article a friend linked on facebook today have spoken to me or rather God spoke to me through them.
Today was Sweet G’s long therapy day so I met my husband for lunch. As we ate we talked about all that is going on in our lives. We questioned how our intentions and feelings could be so misunderstood. We are heartbroken that others see us as the bad guys in a situation we had nothing to do with. We saw where things were headed and in our obviously poor communication failed to get our message across clearly.
I told my husband after he prayed over our food that I cringed when he prayed for those involved. I went on to say how wrong I know it is for me to feel that way. Realizing my feelings are wrong is the first step toward forgiveness. I know I need to, that I am commanded to, but right now I just don’t want to. I am hurt and feel like I have been backed into a corner. That isn’t such a good place for me to be! I don’t like being bullied and don’t stand in corners for long. I know that is something that God is working on because He keeps allowing me to face situations that place me directly into the corner so to speak.
I also need to ask for forgiveness from a few people. Don’t ya just love doing that. I am struggling with feeling justified in my anger because I keep hearing a little voice say, “They started it. They yelled at me first. The first insult came from them and was aimed at me.”
The truth is that I don’t want to be the kind of person who won’t ask forgiveness or give forgiveness. I will do both in time but it is hard to ask forgiveness when you have been accused of things you didn’t say or didn’t mean in the way the person perceived what you said. It is also impossible to explain your point of view when the other person attacks you verbally and won’t give you a chance to talk without being interrupted.
The article I read today spoke about overcoming fear. Although I am not experiencing that particular emotion right now there were things in that article that spoke straight to my heart. One thing the article said was to imagine Christ kneeling in a room of your house praying for you. I will describe what I see.
I see His nail scarred hands folded in prayer. I hear Him as He pleads for God to show me grace and mercy. Tears fall as He asks the Father to soften my calloused heart. He begs for me to be comforted and protected from the fiery darts being shot at me. “Keep her safe Father. Send healing to her heart. Forgive her stubbornness and remove the scales covering her eyes so she may see Your truth. She’s mine, Father. Pick her up and hold her in Your loving arms. Whisper comforting words in her ear. Surround her with Your presence. Dry her tears and lead her to the throne. Strengthen her to make it through another day. Renew her joy and fill her with your Holy Spirit until it splashes all around her. Carry her through this storm until she is strong enough to walk beside You. I love her Father. She is covered by my blood. I paid the cost for her. Show her she has a future and a hope and thank you dear Father for the plans you have in store for her.”