Lately I have spent a lot of my time thinking about the things that really matter to me-the principles that I refuse to waiver on. I have learned so much about the things that I am passionate about that I never realized before. The thing that is first and foremost on my list at the moment is standing by someone who is being hurt or persecuted in some way.
As a young girl I was extremely shy. I remember a time when I only spoke in front of around 7 people who were all part of my immediate family. I probably wouldn’t have spoken aloud in front of them if more than 3 of them were present at one time. I remember being so afraid to talk to my aunts and uncles. I never remember speaking directly to my paternal grandfather aside from common pleasantries-and then only when absolutely necessary. My granddad was a man of few words and I guess I perceived him as being cold, harsh, and unapproachable. Looking back I am not so sure I was right about him. We kind of danced around each other every weekend that I spent in his home while visiting my dad which is really sad to think about.
I guess being a child of divorce caused me to have a victim mentality. I wonder if I would be the same person I am today if I had not experienced the pain of living a broken family life. Would my self esteem and confidence be stronger? I don’t think I will ever heal completely from the hurt I endured silently, unnoticed by everyone around me. However, it was all allowed by God. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, taking special care to create me uniquely and perfect for the purpose He had in mind for me.
I went through much of my life feeling victimized and bullied. I was timid and vulnerable. That may sound like a bad thing to you because it did to me until recently. Looking at it now I am beginning to see God’s purpose in planting me where He did and in allowing me to experience the hurt that I did. In the course of the last few days I have seen that I have a passion for protecting the innocent no matter what it may cost me personally.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was forced to make an instant decision to stand and listen to a verbal rant about a person I see as a victim or to come to that person’s defense. I chose to bear my claws and come out fighting. I now see why I reacted so strongly. I see myself in that young girls eyes. I see it in the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she tries to please those around her. Just like me she is looking for acceptance. She is searching for a way to fit into a world where she doesn’t belong. Alone, afraid, silently carrying her burden. Unlike me she is not alone any longer. I stand with her. I take up her fight even though she may never know what I did for her or how very much I was required to pay when I stood in her place. I know someone else who stood in another’s place. It cost Him His life. When faced with the decision to stand for those too weak to save themselves He stretched out His arms and allowed the attackers to nail Him to a cross.
I am a weak, fallible person. I make mistakes day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute but I serve a God that understands my weakness and loves me in spite of it. Just as He stood in my place I will stand for those I see in need. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. I am not a victim. I am not alone. He walks with me.