I am not a sinless person. There has only been one perfect sinless person and His own people crucified Him. He was blameless. He not only loved; He is love. Yet, He was accused of things He didn’t do, His words were twisted into things He didn’t say, He was beaten, forsaken, betrayed, misunderstood, left to carry His burdens alone in His darkest and scariest hour. His best friend denied knowing Him three times in one night after just telling Him that he would never betray Him. He prayed and cried alone in a darkened garden because His closest friends were too tired to stay awake to watch and pray with Him. He was so anguished that his sweat became as blood yet the ones who loved Him the most couldn’t see how much He needed them that night.
I do not believe that people are basically good at heart as I have heard people say. That my friend is not a fib, but as a three year old little girl once told me, “that’s a lie.” I am sorry if that offends you but it is merely the truth. God’s Word tells us that all have sinned. There is not one who is good. We are born in sin, it is who we are to the utter core. Lost, wretched sinners. Selfish, lustful, hateful people trying desperately to justify our actions.
I am a detailed person, an information freak, a person who hears about a strange new disease and immediately writes it down so I can research it as soon as I can find a computer. I have to see it for myself so I am able to process it and make up my own mind.
I am a doubter. I can relate to Jesus’ disciple Thomas. I feel like Thomas got a bum rap. He was just the kind of person who wanted to see it for himself. If I see Him, hear His voice, and touch His nail scarred hands, then will I believe. That is me. Not about Jesus but about almost everything else. I don’t want to take your word for it, I don’t need the opinions of anyone in deciding whether something is true or not. I am an educated woman and am capable of looking at the evidence and making up my own mind on a matter. I will go to the source for the information I need and not take the word of others when there is evidence available for me to look at and decide for myself. I guess that rubs people the wrong way. I am sorry if you can’t understand that I will not blindly follow the popular path.
I march to the beat of a different drummer and will rise when the sound as that drum turns into the blast of a trumpet when my Jesus returns. I am His, and He is mine. I count it all joy when trials come to me. I know He is perfecting me, allowing me to be broken apart so He can mold me closer into His image.