Category Archives: Fairy Tales Don’t Always Have Happy Endings

Soul Stealer

I sit on the back row,
showing up because I felt it was the right thing to do/
they insist I sit in the front,
A spectacle to all the guests
Fighting tears but
It isn’t any use.
They are stronger.
He enters , my stomach churns
The other witnesses don’t notice her insincerity
I see through her smile.
Dressed in green taffeta
as if at a prom.
She scurries down the aisle.
Fat bulging, breasts hardly hidden
beneath a ruffled neckline.
My son says, Miss Piggy
I laugh, he’s right
Dad stands in front
reciting prayers to a pagan god.
Hypocrite
You’ve turned your back on God.
I am silent.
It is useless
She the soul stealer,
has him now.

Standing at the Screen Door

My parents divorced before I was old enough to retain any memories of the time they were together. There is not one picture of me with both of my parents. Not one trace of evidence from the life we lived together. For that reason I find it impossible to imagine that we ever had the same last name or lived together as a family although we did for only a short time.

In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother’s sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.

I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.

Lately I’ve been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don’t have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.

Psalm 17:8-9 (KJV)
8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,

Jesus Understands Momma

Today will always be remembered as one of the worst days of my life. I say that not to be melodramatic but simply because I know it to be true. My world was forever changed almost four months ago when someone I love dearly was arrested for an unspeakable crime. After months of hearing everyone around me make excuses for this person’s behavior I lost my temper and spoke my true feelings about the situation.

Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.

It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.

The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.

A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G’s range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, “Momma, Jesus understands. He’s the only one who understands.” Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.

I didn’t think about the significance of G’s statement at the time or see God’s Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn’t until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.

“Jesus understands.” A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.

Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.

Twas 18 Days Before Christmas of 2010

Twas 18 days before Christmas of 2010
and Ande was thinking of all her old friends.
The Callahan’s were actively trimming their trees
with decorations piled up as high as their knees.
The Hamilton’s house was all lighted and trimmed
and Drew dreamed that presents filled their home to the brim.
The Shaver’s were happily settling in new routines
with all of them fitting into much smaller jeans!
The Allen family made a trip to a Christmas tree farm
where Bryant cut down a tree without getting harmed.
The Norton’s were busy with Trey and Sweet G,
hoping to get a photo of them together upon Santa’s knee.
The Langhams were ready for Santa’s appearance
cause Annette loaded her buggy with items on clearance.
The Tutor girls outnumbered Vergil by three
and you know they don’t give diamonds out FREE.
Everyone was busy with their comings and goings
but dreaming of cabins where it was snowing.
The hot tub is waiting and the loofas are ready
Will it hurry up and be February already!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Happily Ever After

A little girl lies in bed. Her father is at her side. “What story would you like to hear tonight?” the father asks. He prays that it is not Cinderella because the story is such a long one. All the time he hopes but knows if his little princess asks for Cinderella then that is what he will read because he is unable to tell her no. Maybe she will choose another story instead. Sometimes it is Beauty and the Beast, The Three Sillies, Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar, or the Gingerbread Man. However, a lot of the time it is Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella that is chosen as the nightly story.

That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)

As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.

My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don’t remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad’s marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.

I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy’s stories described.

I don’t know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad’s marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, “what did I get myself into?” We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.

The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a “new love” as so many do we have made our “love new”. Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.

Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.

Once Upon a Time
Living Happily Ever After

A Box Full of Memories

Today J and I did some much needed orgainizing in the garage. It is amazing how much junk can accumulate in such a short time. We have had more yard sales in the past 4 years than we have in our 26 years of marriage so I don’t understand why we have more stuff now than ever.

As usual when organizing and cleaning we found a few treasures from the past mixed in with all the junk. Most people (probably including my husband) would say, “why do you think that is a treasure?” Well, I really can’t tell you why other than the fact that I am a sentimental fool who loves to look back at things past.

The best treasure we found was a box marked with my name on it. We opened it and found it was filled with a menagerie of items from my childhood. There was a dress my mother made me for the bi-centenial celebration in 1976, a tiny jersey from my career in softball, a book given to me by a friend of my grandmother, some old photos, birthday cards, valentines from who knows what grade, my cap and diploma from my high school graduation, and some old pictures and letters from my school days.

The letters turned out to be a real hoot for me. I found letters written by my little sister which described her feelings for me. I don’t know what I had done to that girl but she was obviously pretty upset with me. I found a letter from a best friend from junior high inviting me to spend the night at her house the next weekend. The box also contained lots of letters from a pen pal that I wrote to for several years. There were several letters from a girl I am sure was trying to pry information from me because we liked the same boy. I also found a few sweet notes from admirers proclaiming their love for me. Those notes were so sweet. The boys really put their hearts on the line and it pains me that I can’t remember how I handled those situations. They were sweet innocent letters from adolescent boys who braved the courage to tell a girl how they felt. I hope I was kind and considerate of their feelings when I responded to them but I am so afraid that in my shyness I probably handled it all wrong.

When I think of times from my past when someone reached out to me I find myself wishing that I could go back in time. If I could I would go back and relive lots of moments when my shyness gave others the impression that I was a snob or that I was making light of their feelings. It is amazing how much perspective time can provide. Reading those letters today made me realize how often I was misunderstood and how often I most likely misunderstood those around me. For that I am truly sorry. That little box held a lot of lessons for me and gave me more than a few laughs. Boy, did I need that today!!

The Way I Feel Tonight, Everything Will Be Alright

I have never been good at adjusting to changes in my life. I prefer to be sitting in the driver’s seat in full control, or at least I like to think I am. The problem is that life is not like that. As much as we desire control in reality we have very little if any. That does not mean that we don’t have a responsibility to do the right things, to be cautious, and to strive to reach goals. We do have some control over our lives, just never full control. Life has too many facets for us to be able to navigate on our own.

I have been following the blog of a young girl who is attempting to be the youngest person to complete an unassisted solo circumnavigation of the world. Her name is Abby and she is 16 years old. Her journey began on January 23 of this year in California and she is now somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is the sole occupant of her sailboat and has not laid eyes on another human since her journey began. For almost three months she has been alone at sea. It is her intention to sail completely around the world without stepping foot on land. She is the sole person steering her craft but that does not mean that her course is the one she had planned. The wind and the waves determine much of what happens and her pace is not decided by her but by God. She has tried to prepare for every possible scenario but the possibilities are too numerous to imagine. There have already been many things that she has had to deal with in her short journey. Her autopilot has gone out and her backup autopilot had a hydraulic leak both of which she alone had to repair. She is battling the wind, waves, and temperatures. She is almost always wet and has sailed in temperatures in the lower 40’s for much of the trip so far.

She chose the course she is taking because she fears pirates. She is hoping to avoid them by staying (for the most part) at least 100 miles from land for most of the trip. I think about the strength this young woman possesses often. I am amazed at her courage and wisdom. Most people will never mature in their lifetime to the point that this young woman has in her short 16 years on this earth. She inspires me, humbles me, and fills me with awe at the strength of the human spirit. So tonight, as most nights, I am thinking of Abby somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, alone and content. Steering her ship while all the time knowing she is not in full control of her course; constantly having to adjust her plans to those of nature.

I think Abby has many lessons to teach us if we will only be open to receive them. She has taught me that I should have a plan in mind but expect for things not to go the way I would like. During these times I should not loose hope but instead plot a new course that points me toward my destination. I need to fight like everything depends on me, but keep my faith in God knowing that He is in control. His plans are far above my plans, even when His plans are hard to accept. So tonight I am turning on my auto pilot and am going to rest easy knowing that my God is in full control. ; ) Sorry DSC I had to use that title since it so perfectly fit.